Christmas was nearly
upon us when Dr M's secretary rang to make an appointment for me to
see him. This was three days after the operation. I had noticed my
groin going black. It spread down my right leg and up my stomach.
It looked terrible. But, being a bit thick I thought it was natural.
"I don't like the look of that!" Dr M said, "I'll have
to have Dr O look at that."
Dr O looked and inspected it. "You're bleeding internally."
He announced. "You need an operation and fast." Everyone
was looking at one another.
"I'll come in after Christmas and you can do it then. Eh?"
I said. Christmas was five days away.
"If you don't have it done now you won't see Christmas."
Dr O said bluntly. I was getting fed up of being inconvenienced so
I said. "Right, do it now." I was trying to put him on the
spot. He didn't hesitate.
"Come back at 4pm and I will operate at 6pm." And he did,
just another Dr with his finger in the pie. Its surprising how quick
things happen when you pay for it. "Tell Dr R he can't go in
that side again." Dr O said.
It was Christmas Day
and he was reluctant to discharge me. So I thanked him for turning
out in the festive day.
All went well so we sneaked off on holiday to South America. It was
a 3 week tour taking in Rio, Uruguay, Argentina, and the great Amazon
River. Everyone advised us not to risk it but I thought, "Sod
it, its booked". I was still getting chest pains so we came to
the conclusion that Dr R had operated on the easy ones and had let
the life threatening until last. I was beginning to doubt the quacks
ability and logical thinking.
"What if you dropped dead?" Janet tactfully asked. I stopped
and faced her.
"Janet it's my planet, bury me where I fall." I turned and
strode off listening to her laughing behind me.
Dr R's secretary rang
me two weeks after we got back, "Would it be convenient to see
him?" We had a talk and I asked him why he could not do the life
threatening arteries first. His excuse was it was experimental and
thought it would be best to do the easy ones first. Weird logic. We
were to assume the life threateners were going to last out. I also
informed him that he nearly killed me with his blundering attempt
at trying to sew my groin up. "Very unfortunate, but sometimes
it happens" was the only excuse he could come up with.
The date was set for
February. We made sure it wasn't the 13th. It was going to be a doddle.
A couple of days and I'll be home. I got my old cell back and later
that afternoon I was wheeled into theatre; I informed Dr R of Dr O's
"No problem, we'll go in the other side." He said. All went
well until (unknown to me) he decided to get ambitious. Apparently
the artery was shaped like a dogs leg and if he inserted a stainless
steel tube in the bend. The blood would not congeal and would last
for the rest of my life. Great news! Except the thick twat lost it
into my blood stream. Panic stations! They X-rayed every part of my
body from the top of my head, to the soles of my feet, and after three
hours Dr R decided it might have fallen on the floor when he aborted
the operation. Nurses were on hands and knees. It will have to be
found Dr R flapped. I felt great. I joked with the nurses. I was going
skiing tomorrow but I could see the panic in their faces.
"I think we can take Mr Gillespie back to his room. We'll just
have to keep looking until we find it." They took me back to
my room via another X-Ray Department and did another ½ hours
Jan came to see me and
complimented on how well I looked. "I'm coming home tomorrow
whether they like it or not! I feel fine!" I told her.
"Don't rush it, love. Make sure you're okay first." She
said hiding a couple of bottles of Rose behind the curtain.
Twelve o'clock. I'd just finished my intoxicating refreshment when
Dr R opened the door and tip toed in.
"Don't move, what ever you do. I've located it. Its still in
your heart." He took a pillar away and lay me flat. "Don't
talk, don't cough and a sneeze is definitely out of the question.
I've arranged to operate immediately. The theatre is being prepared
as we speak, and my staff nurse is on their way to transport you.
Its just a matter of smearing it and pulling it out."
I was disappointed to say the least. I was counting on leaving the
next day. I lay on the operating theatre table for about an hour and
a half. "I'm getting chest pains." I said. It was the first
time I'd had them on the operating table. He ordered a nurse to spray
some mint-flavoured stuff under my tongue. "They're getting worse!"
I said trying to sound casual. He pulled a chair up and sat down with
his back to me.
"Its no good, we'll have to have you opened up!" He said
over his shoulder. To say I was narked is an understatement.
"What after all this lot? Just when I thought we were finished."
"Sorry." He said.
"And I'm flooking paying for this!" I didn't have chance
to say anything else.
Janet received a phone
call at 2am, "This is the Hospital, I'm afraid your husband died
on the operating table." Jan didn't hear anything else. She was
stunned. "We have Doctors working on him trying to resuscitate
him; we will keep an open line. Please hold." Janet dropped the
receiver and wandered outside. It had just started to snow. My life
long pal, Jack, lived in a caravan on the edge of our land. She tapped
on his door and he opened it.
"He's dead Jack!" She said slowly.
"What? Who's dead?" He asked, fastening his dressing gown.
"Bill, the hospital have just phoned and he's dead." She
was in a dream. Jack took her arm and led her back to the house. The
snow was getting heavy. "They're trying to
revive him. There's Doctors working on him." She said slowly.
Jack didn't know what to do. As he led her back onto the house he
saw the phone dangling and picked it up. "'Hello, what's going
on?" He demanded. "Who's that?" a voice said.
"I'm Mr Gillespie's brother" He lied. "What's up?"
"I'm afraid its bad news, your brother died on the operating
table. The Doctors are trying to revive him. I have no news yet. I
will keep an open line until I get confirmation." The voice said.
Jack noticed Janet staring out into the night snowfall. He took her
arm and steadied her. There was nothing he could say. He just waited.
Jan took the phone from him, "What's happened to my husband?
He was alright a few hours ago." She demanded.
"Bear with me Mrs Gillespie, I'm just getting a report. Good
news Mrs Gillespie, they've managed to revive him. He's still being
operated on. I'll ring you if there's any development."
Janet hung up and then burst into tears. "I'm sorry to get you
up at this time, but I didn't know what to do."
"It's alright, don't you worry about a thing. See if you can
get some sleep and we'll sort things out in the morning." Jack
I started to come round
about twelve the next day. It took me sometime to realize where I
was. I was in intensive care.
"Are we coming round Mr Gillespie?" A nurse asked. I was
so narky. I woke up in the same mood I had died in. I wanted to tell
her to f*ck off but I didn't.
I had tubes down my throat, tubes up my nostrils, and one in each
hand. One was sticking out of my ribs. The worst of all was the one
leading from my bladder. What a flooking liberty sticking a tube in
She called the duty Doctor
over. He eyed some notes, and mumbled something to her.
I'd had a vivid dream;
I'd seen my father and my brother Dennis. They were both dead! But,
it had been so real. I kept thinking about it. I couldn't get it out
of my mind. I couldn't speak or anything, all I could do was think
about the dream. I didn't know then that I had been dead. Janet arrived
at two o'clock, looking very concerned. They told her to expect the
worse. I could be a cabbage! They had got no response from me. I couldn't
say anything so what was the point in trying to communicate. There
I was lying there exhausted. Pipes sticking out all over and my darlings
first words were, "How are you feeling?"
She offered me a piece of chalk and held a small blackboard for a
response. "FLOOKING BIG BALLS UP!" I wrote. Janet looked
at it and winced then quickly rubbed it out.
"He's okay!" she announced.
After two days I was
moved back into my 'cell'. I refused to do or co-operate with anything
until they took the pipe out of my manhood. One by one the pipes came
out. After five days I said I wanted to go home. "My wife is
a trained nurse. She can take good care of me." I lied. Dr N
said that if I passed the stair test then he would consider it.
A trainee Doctor took me to the steps and watched me climb them. I
was in great pain but I talked my way up trying to take my mind off
the pain. It was just as gruelling coming down. Then who should I
bump into, but Dr R. "Oh, I am surprised to see you so soon!"
I think he was surprised to see me at all, seeing as though he nearly
managed to do me in. He invited the trainee Doctor and me into an
office and sat me down. He explained what went wrong in detail. He
blamed the manufacturers of the contraption and advised me not to
sue, as there were two companies involved. They would blame each other
and it could get very costly for me and probably drag on for years.
"If only you hadn't bothered with the tube."
"If I hadn't you would be at home now!" He sounded very
disappointed. So was I.
It took two painstaking hours to wash, shave, and get ready. I thought
if I could let Dr N know I could handle it he'd discharge me, he wasn't
to know how long it took me to get ready.
In he came with his entourage, he was surprised to see me dressed.
"Its imperative that I get home. I have a very important meeting
there." I said, lying through my back teeth.
"Okay get your shirt off, and lets have a look!" He said,
"Jesus wept," I thought. I turned my back to remove my shirt
and tie so he couldn't see me wincing with my restricted movements.
"Okay, you can go home, arrange for his medication and tablets."
He said to his second in command. He rambled on with further instructions.
Once again 'Robert Newton' wasn't pleased.
"You'll be lucky to get home today." She announced with
her usual contempt.
"Just do as the Doctor says and nobody gets keelhauled, okay
me beauty?" I said winking at a young nurse who was avoiding
eye contact with her.
Jan arrived. I had everything ready, except the medication. We sat
about for half an hour. Jan went to see what the hold up was. It turned
out 'Robert Newton' had not ordered the medication. She filed it for
morning, finished her shift and left. "We may not be able to
get it today". A Junior Clerk informed Jan. I dragged myself
to the office and informed the senior Clerk we'd been waiting for
two hours and would leave without it, and would repeat the whole incident
to Dr N. She said to leave it with her. We had more time on our hands
so I told Jan the whole encounter of the vivid dream. Janet didn't
like it one bit. "I don't want you to tell anyone about it! I
don't want anyone to hear." She said half pleading with me. "What
happened to the light at the end of the tunnel or the lovely floating
feeling that everybody else gets?"
"I don't know. I don't control death tunnels. They just happen."
"Well I don't want you to ever repeat it, promise me?" She
"Oh alright!" I said. We eventually got our medication and
left by the back door.
I felt terrible and pleaded
with Jan not to drive over any bumps as it may loosen some of the
seventy or more stitches I had in my chest, groin and legs.
"I mean it what I said. I don't ever want you to tell anyone
about your death tunnel experience!"
"I'd no control over it, I can assure you." I said staring
A week later after I'd been taking various pills. We opened a packet
with scissors a clip remover and antiseptic wipes. Janet was going
to play nurse.
Janet knew nothing about it and that was more than I did. We argued
how it was done then a fight broke out. "Get away from me with
those bloody clippers. You're not coming near me with those."
"Right, get yourself back to hospital and tell them what a liar
you are." Jan demanded.
I was just about to answer
her when the phone rang. I answered it.
"Hello. My name
is Booth I represent the Out of Body Society. It's exclusive to all
who have experiences near death or dead. Could you spare a few minutes
of your time?" Welcoming the interruption I said yes. Would it
be possible to arrange a meeting with him and his counterpart? He
said it would be confidential and private. I looked at Jan who was
replacing the medical tools in the plastic bag. "I promised my
wife I wouldn't repeat it to anyone." I said.
"For what reason?" he asked. I could sense the excitement
in his tone. "Well if you must know, it wasn't the run of the
mill experience. With nice floaty feelings and lights at the end of
the tunnel crap. So I don't think you would be interested."
"Oh quite the contrary Mr Gillespie. Its exactly what we have
been looking for." His excitement increased. I heard him mumble
something to someone. "Could I possibly arrange a small meeting
or perhaps could myself and a colleague visit you. We wouldn't take
much of your time." He pleaded.
I glanced at Jan, "Who is it?" She mouthed at me. I held
my hand up to her.
"No, I don't think so. I promised the wife I wouldn't repeat
a word of it to anyone." I said in a matter of fact tone. He
paused for a moment "I think you could have something of importance
to contribute to our Society, would you reconsider, and can I call
you back tomorrow?"
I was slightly flattered at his enthusiasm. "Yeah, no problem."
I said. He thanked me and said he'd ring next morning.
"What's going on?" Jan demanded.
"Some crank wanting to know about my out of body experience."
I said casually.
"I thought we agreed not to tell anyone. She said. She was staring
"I won't tell if you won't." I mocked.
(c) William Gillespie
OF PART THREE
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