The Knight's Journal (Part 1)
In the corner of the dark lonely room lay discarded,
a dented and tarnished suit of armour. The suit had certainly been used to extremes,
and looked almost ready to fall apart through excess use. It’s owner, the
Knight, awoke and tenderly touched his wounds. His whole body and soul were
aching from the battles and his Spirit told him that it was finally over, yet
in another way, he knew that it had only just begun. He had slain the dragons
called 'System', 'Betrayal', 'Loss', and 'Sorrow', and although he was the victor
he could only look on it all as a defeat. He also knew that the latter 3 dragons
had sisters with the same names, and that he may still have to do battle with
them again later in his life. Why had the war started, what had he done to offend?
He realised that all his questions of "why?" were now a useless exercise.
What’s done is done, time to move on with his life and for the first time
in years ‘live’ again, he thought. The word "years" sent
a cold shiver down his spine.
He looked across to the calendar on the wall. The month was October, and he
really could not believe that his battles had been raging for nearly 2 years.
Once in total despair he almost took his own life, that was in his ‘Dark
Night of the Soul’, and yet something had stayed his hand and had given
him the resolve to fight through the shadows of the 'Land of Despair'. He fought
through all the pain, even when at times almost beaten, he found himself on
one knee shouting to God "Why?" as he clutched his breast to protect
the last remains of that bleeding tissue called his heart from further pain
and suffering.
However he still fought on, and alone.
He looked around his room as if it represented his life. It was calm, it was
tidy, it was warm, it was full of love, and inviting, but....................it
was empty. He had now been alone for almost 2 years. 2 Years of fighting dragons,
demons, and monsters, some of them creations of the mind.
As he lay there he remembered past times, happy times, times of companionship,
of love and of laughter, and as he did a tear slowly rolled down his face. His
heart once more spoke to him in that special way that only hearts know how.
It started to hurt him.
It was then that he knew what had to be done. He knew what was going to end
his pain, his suffering, and his loneliness. It was to receive the love of a
'Special' woman.
Now the Knight knew that the women from the tribe 'Special' were almost impossible
to find. The tribe had been dispersed to the 4 corners of the Earth by God to
protect them from the 'Demons of Avarice'. You see the women from the 'Special'
tribe made the women from the ‘Ordinary’ tribe jealous. So those women
had entreated the Demons to kill the 'Specials'. But God had stayed their hand.
However as a sop to the remainder of womanhood, and as a 'test' for only the
most worthy of Knights, he then scattered them to the wind, letting them fall
back to the Earth but in a concentration of Spirit that was almost impossible
to detect. As a protection against the other women who still sought revenge
on them, God disguised the women from the 'Special' tribe to be just like their
counterpart in looks and speech. They were not to look different from the other
women or to sound like them. But God did one thing that made them identifiable,
but only to a 'seeker' with great insight. He left their souls pure. He gave
them the gift of deep love, fidelity and compassion, and removed the curse of
betrayal and hurt, 2 of many bad things that he left intact with the 'Ordinary'
tribe women.
So the Knight decided he must now undertake another quest. This was to find
one ‘Special’ women, or be prepared to die trying. He vowed never
to accept defeat, nor accept something inferior. Oh yes, the Knight knew that
the women of the 'Ordinary' tribe had become very jealous of the 'Specials'
and at times they even disguised themselves as 'Specials'. So the Knight knew
his quest would be a long, difficult, and at times an arduous one.
The Knight however had one weapon in his armoury that he was to rely on time
and time again in his quest. It was his 'Protectors'.
The ‘Protectors’ lived in another world and looked over the Knight
from that place. They cared for and protected him, sometimes from himself. The
Knight knew that the 'Battles of Darkness' were known to the ‘Protectors’
many, many years before, and they had been 'moulding' him and preparing him
for the battles that lay before him.
It was the 'Protectors' who throughout his life's journey these 2 last years
had slowly drawn the Knight into another world, yet still leaving him in this
one. He was asked to enter the 'Brotherhood of Love and Communication'. The
Knight entered willingly and strove diligently within it to help others and
give love to all without exception, something that the Knight found the most
difficult when giving love to those who had hurt him deeply. But still the Knight
worked hard for the 'Protectors'. He felt that he had to repay the debt to them,
a debt he would always acknowledge.
The 'Protectors' inspired the Knight to commit certain deeds and actions in
the search, one of which was to go around the 'Villages of Love' and leave his
mark for all to see. He placed words about himself in public places for the
populace to read. In those words he told a story about himself, that only the
most astute could truly and fully understand. He said in a code that only the
'Special' women knew, that he sought them, because he also knew that in the
end they would only permit him to find them if he proved himself to be worthy.
Throughout his search the Knight met many women, some of whom came into his
life for only moments, others stayed for a few weeks, but all were not from
the 'Special' tribe. Oh yes, some of them were ‘special’ within their
own tribe, but none were from the tribe that he sought. At times when his Spirit
was low, he allowed through ignorance, members from the other tribe who were
of the worst kind to become his companion. Those few women did as they always
did, and hurt the Knight. There were times during his quest when tears had run
down his face and the Knight could be seen alone in the 'Dark Room of Pain'
sobbing and begging his maker for the key to the 'Door of Return'. To be allowed
in the midst of all the pain to return once more to the 'Land of Joy and Love'.
The request as always was ..........."DENIED".
Today, many months since the beginning of the quest, the Knight sits alone and
ponders. The tarnished armour that he wore all those months ago that was dented
and worn from the 'Battles of Darkness', had been transformed throughout his
quest into something that was shining and new. It reminded the Knight of his
heart, a heart that was bursting with love once more.....yet still had only
a void within him to feed. "What a waste" thought the Knight, "what
a terrible waste".
Once more alone, the Knight sits and writes a Journal of his exploits in his
mind, and looks on those pages as if searching for the answer, something that
he had done many times over the past years. Did he miss something? Had he met
his 'Special' woman and inadvertently let her go, let her leave his life? Perhaps
it was one of the women from the 'Villages of Love' who had written to him,
and whom he never met for one reason or another? He knew he could not go back
and seek any of them out again, that was not part of the code of chivalry that
he accepted he must follow when he started his quest. So looking at the pages
of the Journal in his mind, he asked God to write something in them. To point
him in the direction he must now travel to find the woman he sought.
Then with a flash of blinding pain, as tears once more start to fall down his
face, he sobs uncontrollably and there he sits for some time. You see he had
just seen the message from God. It had been there in his Journal all the time
and he had never seen it before. It had stood out and he had been blind to it.
All those months of pain and anguish and the answer lay before him all along.
The thing that God had told him to do to reach 'her' was written there, and
finally he could read it.
God
had written............................ nothing.
When we look for that 'Special' someone too hard we can stop them coming to
us. The message from God was let go of the ‘want’ and let the wonder
that is waiting to enter your life, do so.
God bless you all.
There will be more..........................
(c) Keith Wilkinson (August 2002)
